Author Archives: jjcwn

Netflix Movie Review: Me Time

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Some months ago, in a conference room for some Netflix production meeting, someone said, lets just pair up Kevin Hart and Mark Wahlberg in some story, some idea. It doesnt matter what that idea is. This does not need a script – we will make money just based on name recognition from two very bankable stars. And so it goes. Q rating over quality. Bankable name recognition over any semblance of a good idea.

The new Netflix movie “Me Time” starring Kevin Hart and Mark Wahlberg is so bad, that fast forward is your best friend. This film is 100% unwatchable, one of the worst movies I have ever seen. So bad that once again, there is an intense vomiting scene where Kevin Hart eats something bad and vomits all over an outdoor restaurant. For some reason, over the years, too many of the wrong people in charge think that vomiting is funny. Vomiting is disgusting and never funny. Vomiting in a big way in any scene within a bad movie will never rescue that film. As I have said in the past on this web site,vomiting within a bad movie is always a tell tale sign that the film will be horrific. Me Time is yet another example of this phenomenon. This also happened in Kevin Hart’s last bad Netflix movie, “The Man from Toronto” – that included yet another grotesque vomiting scene.

Kevin Hart is arguably one of the greatest stand up comedians of all time, but he has still not made a good “comedy” movie – other than his concert movies, which were all outstanding. The problem here is long term degredation over time might ruin Hart’s comedy movie career. However his serious roles in some recent movies have been overall good, so maybe the obvious solution is, do not make another bad comedy movie and stick with the serious ones.

The bad story of Me Time is about two old friends, played by Kevin Hart and Mark Wahlberg reuniting for a series of idiotic attempted physical comedy events that even include Hart almost being killed by a Mountain Lion – now how funny is that? Regina Hall plays Kevin Hart’s wife, and its a wonder why she took this small role within a horrendous unfunny comedy movie.

The Rotten Tomatoes ratings for this horrendous garbage are a very low 6% and I agree with this rating and rate this movie a “run for your life” big miss.

Movie Review: The Invitation

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Another Vampire movie. Another bad Vampire movie. So many over the years that it is probably the #1 horror movie subject, other than zombies. At this point, who cares, why do another one?

The new movie “The Invitation” is about a young woman played by Nathalie Emmanuel (who is one of the cast members of the mostly inane Fast and Furious movies), being invited to a mansion where it turns out, except for the maids and butlers – everybody seems to be a Vampire. This bad film has sections lasting long periods of time, where nothing is really happening, and this becomes tedious and boring very quickly. There are the expected horror surprises, scenes of people being killed, and blood sucking vampires – but absolutely nothing interesting or compelling. It is hard to understand why this film was ever made. This is a badly made B movie that never should have been released to the theaters. Also, anyone within a few hours of visiting this Vampire mansion would have left immediately at the first sign of a vampire or possible impending doom. Nobody would have stayed for days, like the main character in this movie.

The Rotten Tomatoes rating for this film is a very low 17% and unfortunately I agree with this rating and give this production a solid pass.

Movie Review: Beast

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The problem with the new movie “Beast” is that it is essentially one of those horror movies, where the people involved do such unbelievably stupid things that it causes some in the audience to yell out, “are you stupid?”, “why are you doing this?”, “nobody would do something so stupid”. There are so many incidents in this movie where the main characters who are on a safari in Africa (a father played by Idris Elba, and two daughters, played by Leah Jeffries and Iyana Halley) do so many idiotic, dumb and stupid things that it becomes infuriating very quickly. The story is a good one, about a rogue Lion who is out to kill every human being in revenge for poachers killing his tribe. Unfortunately, this good idea for a movie, is wrapped within an envelope of stupidity.

One critic, Odie Henderson on Rotten Tomatoes says it all perfectly: I mean, people do stupid things in horror movies all the time, just to get the audience to talk back to the screen, but this is excessive. Whenever Nate tells them to stay in the car, they don’t. They wander off at inopportune moments, knowing full well that Rory’s out there biding his time. When their father is trying to silently evade his nemesis, his kids start blowing the damn Jeep horn and trying to engage him on a walkie-talkie.

When you’re sitting there for two hours watching this level of foolishness where there is a huge Lion slaughtering every human being in sight it can actually make you angry watching it. The ending is the dumbest idea of all – but I will not give away the moronic conclusion to this below average film.

The bottom line is that nobody, no matter how stupid they are, would ever do any of the things to save themselves that the screenwriter decided to create within this story. A great screenplay about this kind of a story would include strategies and ideas that make sense – that someone with a functioning brain would come up with. Especially in the case where there is a father, who is a doctor in the middle of nowhere trying to protect his two daughters.

The special effects are good, showing a huge Lion attacking and killing many people, jumping on the jeep the father and his two daughters are in. Unfortunately all the rest of this mess is too ludicrous to ever recommend.

The low Rotten Tomatoes for Beast of 73% are not low enough, with my rating around 45% and a big pass for this film.